Where and how can one find references
to check up on someone?
Answer: ... to be completed ...
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Question: Why aren't the VSI questions available as text
so they can just be copied and pasted into an email message, so that users would not have
to retype them all?
Answer: The first 20 of the 200 VSI questions are available at our website
(www.TrueLoveNeverFails.com) in a graphical image form that can be easily copied
and/or downloaded and attached to an email message, and one can then refer to
the questions by number when writing responses to those questions. We do authorize
anyone and everyone to freely copy and distribute the first 20 VSI questions,
but only in the pre-printed format in which they are presented, as long as the
content and the pre-printed format are not altered in any way. Moreover,
keeping the questions in this pre-printed format makes the whole process
of presenting and considering the questions much more objective.
There are two reason why we publish all of the VSI questions only in a
pre-printed form. The first reason is to preserve and protect the integrity
of the material, including the format, sequence, and syntax of the questions.
In part, we do it this way to ensure that the material will always be presented
in the way that it was originally published and intended to be presented.
The second reason is that the entire content of the True Love Never Fails Guide,
of which the VSI Questions are just one part, is copyrighted material and copyright
law prohibits the unauthorized copying, alteration, plagiarisation, and/or redistribution
of such copyrighted material in any form that is not authorized by the copyright holder.
Just imagine, if we provided the questions in a text form, that would undoubtedly facilitate
unauthorized and unscrupulous copying and redistribution of the questions in such a way
that the integrity of the material would quickly be lost and rapidly proliferated distribution
of the material would surely ensue.
Please also understand that True Love Never Fails Ministries is a self-funded ministry
in which we freely give away all of our seminar presentations without charging any
fees whatsoever; and we also provide the NiceIntro.com website entirely free of any
fees or costs. Sales of the True Love Never Fails Guide is the only source of revenue
that we have to defray our expenses in giving away all of these services, so naturally
we hope that many people will want to purchase a copy of the True Love Never Fails
Guide containing all 200 questions.
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Question: Why is so much time spent on discussion of websites
and going through so many website variants and data-collection categories in the seminar?
Answer: Presentation of information about the Internet and about "dating,"
"matchmaking," and other "relationship"-related websites is actually a relatively
small part of the overall seminar; however, it is an extremely important part. The
Internet has become a veritable gold-mine of information and opportunities and
it represents the largest, most efficient, and most effective way of meeting people
and objectively exchanging crucially important information. Our objective, in part,
is to demonstrate pitfalls, dangers, deficiencies and positive alternatives, including
how to use the Internet safely and wisely, and how to use it to communicate
more effectively and also how to use it to check references.
Most seminar participants enthusiastically appreciate this part of the seminar;
however, as a result of questions like this one which some participants have raised,
we are going to rearrange the seminar agenda to put most of the information about
the Internet in the third of three parts so that those who are not as interested in that
part can opt out after the second break, if they so desire.
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Question: Is it really so essential to ask so many of the
VSI questions before meeting someone, rather than just getting the questions answered before dating them?
Answer: How you use the VSI Questionnaire is entirely up to you. It is simply
a guide. We have merely suggested that "ideally" it would be better and safer to get
answers to as many of the first 20 questions as possible before agreeing to meet
for the first time with a complete stranger.
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Question: Isn't it true that getting into a relationship will take
a lot of time away from one's career, church service and ministry, and from one's children?
Answer: Yes. Relationships do take time and focus. If one's priorities are
more focused on career, ministry, and children -- or anything else -- then it may
not be a good choice for someone who holds such things as a higher priority
than the kind of relationship that God has described as being joined to, or
"cleaving" to, or becoming "one-flesh" with another. God ordained the husband-wife
relationship to be closer and more important than any other relationship, except
one's relationship to God Himself. So, if that is not the priority that one is willing
to give to a marriage relationship, then it would probably be better to not to go
down that road.
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Question: Doesn't putting so much attention on website-based
introduction services detract from just trusting God to put a Christian together with the right person?
Answer: Of course, trusting in God should always be the first and most
important factor in seeking to find the right person with whom to live one's life.
Internet websites are merely a tool. However, in order to use any tool wisely,
safely, and effectively, one should learn how to use that tool. The three-hour
True Love Never Fails seminar focuses almost exclusively on biblically based,
foundational issues for most of the first hour and the Internet is hardly mentioned.
In the second hour, the main focus is on "being very selective" and the first 20
questions in the VSI Questionnaire. In the third hour, we respond to questions
that have been submitted during breaks, discuss some of the other 180 questions
in the VSI Questionnaire; and, henceforth we intend to keep most discussion
of how to use Internet resources, including introduction and "relationship"-related
websites and resources for checking references in the third hour.
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Question: Isn't it more important to just trust God,
have faith in him, accept being single, and learn how to become more fulfilled
as a single person than to pursue trying to find a mate?
Answer: The Word of God and accompanying Scriptures have made it
clear that some are "called" to remain single, but it is God's plan for most men
and women to be joined to a mate. Certainly, it is important for singles to be able
to accept singleness and be content while they are in that state; yet at the same
time, the Scriptures make it very clear that God wants to give every believer
the desires of his or her heart, as long as those desires are not out of sync with
God's will. Moreover, Jesus very plainly declared that it is entirely appropriate
for God's people to be pro-active in the pursuit of whatever they are seeking.
For He said: "Ask and you will receive. Seek and you will find. Knock and it
will be opened to you."
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Question: Isn't it true that the only "true love" is God's love
and that there is no such thing as a "perfect" marriage?
Answer: It certainly is true that God's love is "perfect," ... and we need
to remember that He very clearly instructed us to "love one another as I have
loved you." Therefore, God's perfect love is the model of "true love" to which
He directed us all to aspire and apply ourselves. Since God is the Creator and
Ordainer of marriage as well as the Inventor, Designer, Creator, and Establisher
of "true love," surely He would not set before us a challenge that would be
impossible to attain. In Matthew 5:48, Jesus declared to us: "Be perfect even
as your Father in heaven is perfect." Surely, then, the task before us is to trust
God and apply ourselves to making marriage as nearly perfect as might be humanly
possible. We should never aspire anything less.
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Question: Isn't it true that the Bible says that all who marry
will face many troubles?
Answer: The text to which this question refers is in 1 Corinthians chapter 7.
In verse 12 of this chapter, the Apostle Paul said: "to the rest I, not the Lord, speak ..."
So, should we conclude that whatever Paul said following this disclaimer should
be taken as "Gospel truth" ... or as merely Paul's own opinions? He concludes
chapter 7 by stating in verse 40: "But in my judgment ..." so it would seem that Paul
is acknowledging that he is, indeed, simply giving his own personal opinion on some
matters. No doubt there is value in what Paul says, but one must weigh the difference
between Paul's expressions of his opinions and declarative statements that God
Himself has made, i.e. "It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helpmate
for him ... A man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and
they two shall become one flesh" (Genesis 2:18, 24).
When Paul says, in v28: "If you have married, you have not sinned and if a virgin
marries, she has not sinned. But such will have trouble in the flesh and I [would]
spare you [of that]." One might put that in perspective by asking: Is there anyone
who has ever lived, married or not, who has not had some kind of "trouble in the flesh"
at some time during their life. Marriage is not the cause of trouble, unless one enters
into marriage outside of the will of God.
The whole point and purpose of the True Love Never Fails seminar and the
NiceIntro.com website is to help conscientious, serious-minded singles to reduce
the risk of becoming a victim of a failed marriage and to help them do a better job
of being very selective in seeking to find the right one, God's best for them,
so that they might be as compatible as possible and thereby avoid as many
obstacles in marriage as they might experience without the information, tools,
and services that are offered through True Love Never Fails Ministries.
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Question: Is there such a thing as love at first sight?
Answer: There was one particular "love at first sight" relationship in recorded
history that was/is, arguably, the single most successful love/marriage relationship
in the entire history of mankind.
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Question: Why are you doing a single's ministry when you are married?
Answer: Because we have experienced less than ideal situations in the past
and we are now blessed to know what it is like to have as nearly ideal a marriage as
one can imagine. So, we are excited to share what we have learned to help others
avoid making tragic mistakes that lead to failed marriages.
I was happily married for 23 years when suddenly, with no forewarning, I found
myself deserted and single. My wife was married for 23 years when her husband
died after a long illness and she found herself single again. We understand
that God brought us through an array or experiences that uniquely prepared
us to minister to singles. We remember being young and single, and we have
experienced our children's adult singleness, and we know what it is like to lose
a spouse and be single again.
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Question: What makes you an "expert" in this area?
Answer: While we do not claim the title "expert" for ourselves, there is a
definition of that word that perhaps might be considered applicable to us:
"Experts are those who have been taught by experience
and have acquired knowledge and skill by extensive practice ..."
Over the combined total of 110 years that we have lived and 59 years that
we have been married, between the two of us we have experienced all of the
following (not listed in any particular sequence):
- a long and happy marriage
- wonderfully romantic love and marriage
- the loss of a spouse to death
- the loss of a spouse by desertion and divorce thrust upon us against our will
- the trauma resulting from non-disclosure of crucial facts prior to marriage
- the pain of marital unfaithfulness by a spouse
- the devastation and lingering agony of rejection
- the loneliness of being without a mate after a happy and satisfying marriage
- the frustration of being single and feeling ostracized in a world seemingly
oriented primarily to married couples
- the difficulty of finding and meeting suitable new friends after becoming single-again
- the excitement of a new, mature love and satisfying marriage
to an ideally compatible mate
- the comfort and satisfaction in sharing mutually trustworthy implicit trust.
However, experience alone is not always a perfect teacher. Too many fail to learn
from experience and end up repeating over and over the same mistakes that others or even
that they themselves have previously made.
As a management consultant for more than 30-years, my academic and professional
background involved researching and analyzing problems to discover the root of those
problems and develop practical solutions for them. Therefore, when my 23-year
marriage ended abruptly with no forewarning and no rational explanation, I was devastated
... but also determined to thoroughly study the problem to understand what had gone wrong
and perhaps develop practical solutions that might prevent or at least reduce the risk of
failed marriages.
We believe that we have found the key. Try it and judge for yourself.
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Question: How do you know that this works?
Answer: The True Love Never Fails seminar questionnaire is not an
absolute guarantee of attaining a successful marriage, but we are confident
that using it it will significantly reduce the risk of experiencing a tragic
relationship disaster. It worked for us, and we have received testimonials
from others who have told us that it has been very helpful for them.
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Question: How should one respond to marital unfaithfulness?
From an actual case scenario: What should a wife do if a husband cheated on her
and the wife tried to forgive him, but the wife always had doubts about her husband,
wondering if he might be continuing to call the woman with whom he had an affair?
The wife suffers so much, but she loves the husband very much, and she wants to
follow the Bible, believes that divorce is not an option, but believes that she
should forgive and seek reconciliation with her husband. However,
the wife does not feel full sincerity of repentance from the husband,
but others feel it. What should the wife do? Also, the wife doesn't
think that she can handle the separation.
Response: Certainly, marital unfaithfulness of any kind is a
terrible tragedy that causes horrendous pain and suffering.
However, it is important to understand that God loves you and He always
wants the very best for you.
Also, consider the fact that great tragedies that are thrust upon us in our
lives often draw us ever closer to God, and if we do look to Him and begin
to really trust Him and seek His leading, inevitably He will lead us to a
far better life in the future than anything we have ever known in the past.
Whenever one experiences disappointment, it is always helpful to invest
some time reading and meditating on God's promises, for example in Isaiah 40:31
and Isaiah 41:10. Know that God wants to heal the broken hearted. (see Luke 4:18)
Understand that the Bible provides very clear guidelines regarding how
a victim of marital unfaithfulness ought to respond in every situation.
So, what should a wife do if a husband cheated on her and the wife tried to
forgive him, but the wife always had doubts about her husband, wondering if
he might be continuing to call the woman with whom he had an affair?
The Word of God is very clear that it is God's will for each and every one
of us that we should always have a forgiving heart and attitude toward
everyone who may have wronged us in any way, in every situation, including
in marital infidelity.
When Peter asked Jesus how often we ought to forgive someone who has sinned
against us, asking "until seven times?" Jesus replied, "I do not say to you
until seven times, but until seventy times seven." (Matthew 18:22) We do not
need to concern ourselves about whether that statement is to be taken
literally (490 times) or illustratively. The point is clear. For in
another place, Jesus also said: "If you forgive others for their trespasses,
then your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive
others for their trespasses, then neither will your Father forgive your
trespasses." (Matthew 6:14-15).
And what if a wife has always had doubts about her husband ...
wondering if he might be unfaithful again.
While it is always right to be forgiving of others' errors, one must still
be guarded and careful to place trust only in those who are trustworthy. If
someone has violated your trust, then it is common sense to be guarded and
cautious until you can determine that they have learned a lesson and they
have a sincerely repentant heart not only to you, but first and foremost to
the Lord God, and that they have a genuine and sincere desire and
determination to not continue or fall back into sin.
Make sure that anyone you have forgiven is trustworthy to have you place
your trust in them once again. In other words, forgive those who may have
wronged you and do not harbor any anger or bitterness against them; but at
the same time, make certain that they have recognized and acknowledged the
wrongness of their infidelity and that they have genuinely repented of that
wrongdoing and have a genuine and sincere desire and commitment to never
again repeat such a grievous wrongdoing as that before you "take them back."
There is no contradiction here. You can and must forgive, but then you
still have a separate decision to make as to whether or not to accept them
back into your intimate trust again. "Do not be unequally yoked with
unbelievers." (2 Corinthians 6:14) If anyone is not trustworthy, then they
are not a genuine believer in and follower of the Lord God and it is wise to
avoid becoming "yoked" with such a one. You can and should forgive them,
but don't allow yourself to become "entangled" with them again.
Of course, God hates divorce (the "putting away" of a marriage mate, Malachi
2:16) and in all situations His wise counsel is for reconciliation and
restoration wherever it may be possible (cf Matthew 5:24, Romans 3:25, 1
Corinthians 7:11).
And yet, He has made three provisions for terminating marriage if
reconciliation and restoration is impossible:
(1) fornication (Matthew 5:32)
(2) desertion (1 Corinthians 7:15), and
(3) excommunication (1 Corinthians 5:13). Each of these requires
very clear discernment and understanding and ought never to be acted
upon by anyone independent of wise counsel.
As long as you follow the Bible's clear guidelines ... and this is definitely
a time that you should spend much time immersing yourself in the Word of
God, both for comfort and to gain a clear understanding of the Lord's
leading for your life ... then you can be confident that the Holy Spirit
will comfort you and bring correct understanding to you.
Divorce is always a terrible option. It is far better to forgive and
seek reconciliation.
Yet the Bible does make the three provisions for divorce described above,
under those very specific conditions. Only through prayer,
with the clear prompting of the Holy Spirit, and confirmed by godly counsel
can you make such a difficult decision ... but God will never leave you nor
forsake you and He will give you comfort and confidence to make the right
decision.
If you do not feel complete sincerity of repentance from an unfaithful spouse,
but others feel it; then it is imperative that you yourself come to a point that you
have absolute confidence in a complete sincerity of repentance by your mate,
or else you should wait until the Holy Spirit clearly gives you unqualified confidence
that is true before you should ever get back together with a spouse who has
been unfaithful. Do not take foolish chances.
There is comfort in many counselors and if many godly counselors (make
sure they truly are "godly" counselors, and not just well meaning friends) can
assure you that, indeed, your spouse is genuinely repentant and restored as
a faithful and trustworthy believer, then the Holy Spirit will also give you
that confidence.
Finally, if you are worried that you do not feel you can handle a time of
separation, just remember: If you will truly and totally trust in God, then He
will be the supplier of everything that you need, including confidence to be
able to handle a separation until the time should be right for you to be rejoined
with your spouse.
Until then, what should you do? Do this:
(1) First and foremost, immerse yourself in the Word of God;
(2) Pray earnestly and wait for the clear prompting of the Holy Spirit;
(You may also need to seek godly counsel to pray with you)
(3) Live your life responsibly and do not take foolish chances.
(When in doubt, leave it out. Do not rush to do anything
if your inner voice is raising red flags to caution you.)
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Question: How long should people date, "go together,"
and/or be engaged before getting married? Is a longer courtship generally
safer and "healthier"?
